I lie here in pain, its bitter-sweet because i know when all this is over i will be stronger and wiser. This month has been a trying period for me health wise, first i discovered that i was developing some side effects owing to some of my choices i made in order to live a healthy lifestyle, just as i am still dealing with this, i sustained back injuries during a deadlift workout session.
I’ve just realised i have been pre occupied with my body to the point of insanity. Now i’m learning to respect the process. In my quest to see results and transform myself , i also need to be patient and kind to my body, i am not in competition with anyone and also be cognisant that this process will be worth it but it is also long and painful.
What is worth keeping if it dosen’t take a struggle..
I started taking my work out seriously because i didn’t have access to hormone therapy and wasn’t sure if i needed any to transform certain parts of my body.My transformation began 2 years ago when i weighed 75 kgs now i am down to 55kgs. It has taken a lot of sacrifice, hard work and pain and with each day I feel fit and challenged to push harder.
Today though i am in pain, i still smile knowing that i can see notable changes on my body. I remember the tears of joy i had in my eyes when one day in the shower i noticed for the first time that i could flex my upper chest muscles. This was a transformation i never thought possible.
If you have ever had to bind or wear three vests and a sports bra in summer, then you feel my liberty when i say i can freely walk with just my T-shirt on or with a vest inside sometimes. I no longer have to wear a sports bra. I have worked most of the fat off my chest and witnessed a reduction. Now i get friends asking me if i have had top surgery, because they knew that i was quite big, this makes me realise that if you want something you can work for it, because my efforts are not only visible to me but to others as well.
the smile i make when i notice progress
I am anxiously waiting for my next interview at the gender clinic, its been two months now, somehow i feel, whatever decision i get, i am now ready for it. I have worked hard to get here, i have made my mistakes, hurt myself in the process but nothing worth having comes without consequence. I’ am celebrating my progress and learning from my mistakes, no one said it would be easy…