aereolar, Becoming a visibleman, BMI, body, diversity, double insition, dysphoria, emotions, expectations, faith, femininity, ftm, gender clinic, HRT, jamison Green, journey, keyhole, love, masculinities, mental health, Miles Rutendo Tanhira, physical wellbeing, queer, self-care, support, surgeon, therapist, top surgery, Trans, transition, transman, transmanofcolour*, visibleman, weight
I now have my appointment with my surgeon and all i have been doing lately is read , research on different types of top surgeries. While i am certain this is what i want , i must say this process has left me with mixed emotions . Reading other trans* guys stories about surgeries both good and bad experiences has been inspirational and worrying.
As i watch diverse images and read different stories, i am thinking although physically i am ready , i will need support to prepare myself mentally for the changes to come. For three decades, i have lived in this body, and getting rid of something that i have despised for almost 17 years is a wonderful feeling but at the same time it feels an emotional one too, off course this is a life changing experience.
Reading Jamison Green’s book; Becoming a visible man, when he delves on surgeries, bodies and expectations i understood that surgeons are human beings and while their job is to assist us, sometimes they may not be able to give us the bodies or surgeries that we envisage.The outcome depends on several other factors. It may not be ‘perfect’, but it would feel more comfortable than the current one and its also good to bear in mind that surgery may not be the end of all the troubles, sometimes people end with more body dysphoria than they had before.
In my last meeting with my therapist i was happy to learn that my BMI allows for me to go under the knife without having to be forced to lose weight.
Between now and then, i am constantly checking in with myself, getting as much informationi can as possible, keeping my faith strong getting into top gear.
If you have been or on the same road as me you can share some experiences and you may also find these useful: